Sunday, February 24, 2008

last night i felt heartbroken. i quarrelled with my father again. the thing that made me really sad is that i am actually the one who made him think he is a useless father. despite being unable to satisfy all our family's materialistic needs, i have never thought it this way. though i have grumbled why he has been unemployed for so long and did not get another job to support the family and instead, having my mother to be the sole breadwinner.

you may be stingy, but i know you just wanted to save money because you know money dont come easy. i am trying hard to be understanding. you said i am selfish, aint you selfish too? it might be for my own good, but have you put yourself in my own shoes? you wanted me to take h2 chinese and i took. (very much displeased as i dont like that language's people :x) you felt unhappy when i dont go in the way u want it. its always like that. i am not saying i am not at fault but somehow its unjust.

many a times, i felt bad standing in view of my mother. i would'nt want a husband like my father. she had often said negative things about my father. i agree with her but at the same time, i dont like listening to all these. though i know my mother means no harm. i could only keep quiet and hopes she stops soon. i think i cant accept any outsiders insulting or critising my family.

do you know how i feel about the empty dinners? can you hear me crying sliently last night after you shouted at me? i am so sick of all these. i intended to go on a cold war but my father has talked to me first. (my pet phrase when i was young: its too late to apologize!) i know sometimes i show you my missy attitude (da xiao jie pi qi), i am sorry about this.

since he started talking to me first, then hmm, forget it. theres no 'ge ye chou' for family yea! anw, i blogged this after everything is fine, so i am ok. please dont console me, i am alright! :D

dirty family issues ought not to be mentioned. i dont intend to blog something like this ever again. i hope not. haha! after reading this post, please do not say i am rich anymore! i am from an average income family only. its just that i still spend money the way i want it to be. HAHA!

today went NYJC with its uniform! i have a new experience. haha. feel bigger being a jc student.